As you know, I am a lawyer in Germany and I specialize in international family law.

But did you know how I got into family law in the first place? I grew up in Amberg, which used to have a US military presence (Pond Barracks) and several US military installations close by (Vilseck, Grafenwöhr and Hohenfels). So, in 2001/2002, after graduating from law school at the University of Regensburg, I volunteered to work for the US Army JAG Corps.

Working alongside the Legal Assistance Attorney in Vilseck, my job was to help US soldiers, US civilians and their family members with all matters concerning German law. I had expected a broad mix of traffic offenses, bar fights, minor drug problems, contract disputes with car dealers or local landlords. But I was surprised to discover that 90% of my workload was comprised of family law. And I soon realized that I loved it. Because family law is the one area of law where empathy and a personal relationship with the client are just as important as the stuff you can learn from books.

I have a set of FAQ on divorce in Germany on this blog, but military divorces regularly throw up a whole range of peculiar questions that warrant their own set of FAQ. So, here you go. As with all legal situations, the details matter, and these FAQ can only address the standard scenarios. In the end, it’s still best if you contact me for a personal consultation.

---

1. We were married in Hawaii/Iowa/Florida, but now I am stationed in Germany. Can I get a divorce in Germany?

If at least one of you lives in Germany or is a German citizen, then the German courts can exercise jurisdiction. The place of marriage is irrelevant in this context.

However, this does not mean that the German courts have exclusive jurisdiction. Because each country/state determines their jurisdiction in accordance with their own laws, it often happens in international divorces that two or three countries could have jurisdiction. In this case, it’s really important to choose wisely – and to be fast if you want to lock in a preferable jurisdiction before your spouse files elsewhere.

For military personnel, the question of residence is sometimes a bit tricky. If you are just passing through Grafenwöhr for two weeks to play OPFOR, then you obviously don’t establish residence. But if you come for a full three-year tour and bring your wife, your kids and your oversized truck, then you do establish residence within the meaning of international family law. (Family law interprets residence differently than immigration law, so the exceptions in the NATO-SOFA do not apply.)

---

2. But will the German divorce be recognized back home?

That depends on your home country/state, of course.

But if minimum requirements of due process are kept (such as giving the other party time to respond and letting them know of the court date in due time), most countries/states fully recognize German divorces and other court orders.

(Just as Germany recognizes your marriage and you can’t get married again here without a prior divorce. And yes, I have had clients who did that. Those bigamy cases create a huge legal mess, so please don’t do that.)

---

3. How long does a divorce take in Germany?

If both of you live in Germany and you file for a simple divorce (no child custody, no financial claims), it usually takes between 4 and 6 months. If you argue about custody and visitation for your children, about child support and alimony, about your house and your pension, it might take one or two years.

If your spouse lives in another country, getting him or her served with the paperwork is the main issue determining the duration of the divorce process. This could mean another few months if we need to get somebody served in the European Union or in North America. However, if your spouse is cooperative, this can be sped up considerably, e.g. by them appointing a representative in Germany who will receive the paperwork on their behalf.

---

4. Do we both need a lawyer?

For a divorce in Germany, you need at least one lawyer.

The applicant needs to be represented by a lawyer. The respondent doesn’t, if he/she doesn’t want to contest the divorce. In those easy divorces, I can officially only represent one spouse, but you can of course agree between the two of you that you will split the legal fees. (I also don’t mind both spouses showing up for the consultation, if it’s clear whom I will represent.)

In child custody/visitation cases, you are not legally required to have a lawyer, but I strongly recommend it. Non-lawyers tend to burden the court with tons of irrelevant stuff, often destroying their own case. (It’s sad how many people I have seen lose child custody because they tried to do it on their own.)

In all cases involving financial matters (alimony, child support, distribution of marital property), both parties need a lawyer.

---

5. Which law will the German court apply?

Okay, to be honest, no client ever asks this question. Because non-lawyers (and quite a few lawyers) don’t even know that a court in country A doesn’t necessarily need to apply the laws of country A.

German law is actually quite open to applying the divorce law of another jurisdiction (for example that of your home state), which can sometimes be beneficial. Especially when you want to get around the one-year separation requirement of German divorce law.

Confusingly, and that’s why you really shouldn’t try this without a lawyer, you can sometimes opt for different laws to be applied for the divorce (e.g. that of your home state), for division of marital property (the law of the jurisdiction in which you got married) and for child custody (the law of the country where the children reside). Combined with several possible jurisdictions, this opens up a whole arsenal of different strategies.

---

6. That’s too complicated/boring. Just tell me which is better: Getting a divorce back home or in Germany.

I am really sorry, but it’s not that easy. (Which is why I ain’t afraid of computers taking over my job.)

The decision where to file depends on a whole number of factors, which are different in each individual case. That’s why there is a benefit in hiring a lawyer like me, who has experience with hundreds of military divorces. I would never say that I have seen it all (because then it would be time to retire), but I have seen a lot.

I’ll just list a few things to consider:

• Service. International service of paperwork can be lengthy, complicated and expensive. If the other spouse lives in Germany, it generally makes more sense to initiate the proceeding in Germany, because you avoid international service. If the other spouse is hiding in the mountains of Alaska, on the other hand, you will probably lose half a year before you get the person served.
• Expenses. Some states in the US allow you to file for divorce without a lawyer, whereas in Germany at least the petitioning spouse needs to be represented by a lawyer. So, if you have a very simple no-contest divorce with no kids, no assets, no alimony claims, it’s sometimes cheaper to do it in the US than in Germany.
• Life plans. If you are stationed in Germany with kids and want to remain in Germany after you ETS, then you should probably choose the German court. If you are near the end of your 3-year tour and you are mainly arguing about the ranch in Montana, then it makes more sense to have the divorce decided in Montana.
• Recognition and enforcement. There is no point in getting a piece of paper from jurisdiction A that gives you lots of rights to assets that are in jurisdiction B, if jurisdiction B doesn’t recognize court orders from jurisdiction A.
• Strategy. One example for the last point are retirement benefits. German courts cannot make a ruling on US military retirement benefits. And if they did, the DoD or DFAS wouldn’t recognize it. So, if you want to protect your exorbitant pension, you may be much better off with a German divorce. If, on the other hand, you want to go after your spouse’s hard-earned pension, you may prefer filing in the US.

It is also possible – and sometimes necessary – to open different cases in different jurisdictions. For example filing for divorce in California (because you hope to get a decision on the military retirement), but filing for alimony, child support and child custody/visitation in Germany (because that’s where the children are).

---

7. What if we have children?

If you have minor children and you want the family court to rule on custody and/or visitation, then you need to file in the jurisdiction where the children live. One reason is that the courts usually want to speak to the children themselves.

For a serving US soldier, deployment obviously can make it hard to exercise child custody. I have ample experience in helping service members to maintain their parental rights throughout times of deployment.

I should add and clarify that German courts do not look into child custody or visitation unless one of the parents requests such a decision. In most cases, the divorce decree from a German court does not include a ruling on child custody, simply leaving shared/joint custody in place. (Of course you can always revisit this issue later, if necessary.)

If the two of you, on your own or with the help of your lawyer(s), can work out a parenting schedule and everything else pertaining to your children, there is no need to get the courts involved. Being a child of divorced parents myself, I very much prefer this approach and always try to keep the children from being drawn into a legal battle.

---

8. I came to Germany with my spouse. Now we are separating. Can I move back to the US with the kids?

I am glad you are asking, instead of committing an international child abduction. (Although even people who do ask still don’t follow my advice. With some people, I feel like I am talking to a brick wall.)

Generally, the answer is: No, you can’t. If you both have shared/joint custody, you need the other parent’s consent (or a court order) to legally move with your children to another country. Yes, even if it is their home country.

There might be cases where one could debate if the children have already established habitual residence in Germany (especially if you just arrived recently) or other exceptions. But this is an area of the law where a great many people totally mess up their lives (child abduction is a crime), because they prefer listening to some lady on Facebook who is as qualified as a cactus, instead of consulting an expert in international family law.

---

9. What about alimony and child support?

For child support and alimony, it’s always the plaintiff who determines jurisdiction. They can usually choose between the country/state that they live in and the country/state that the defendant lives in.

This also means that child support and/or alimony can be pursued in a different jurisdiction than the divorce. For example, if you are a US service member stationed in Germany and married to a German wife, you may be able to file for divorce in your home state and establish jurisdiction for the divorce there. But this won’t prevent your wife from suing for alimony and/or child support with a family court in Germany. And she can do that even if you PCS out of Germany. (A big mistake that many people make is to ignore those lawsuits, thinking “I’ll soon be out of the country anyway”. Please don’t do that. “Duck and cover” is rarely a good strategy when there is a lawsuit pending against you.)

If you are separating from an active duty service member, there is an additional option for alimony and/or child support, because the US military has issued regulations on this subject: AR 608-99 for the Army and AFI 36-2906 for the Air Force. (I think there is nothing for the Navy, because nobody would seriously expect a sailor to take care of all his children around the globe anyway.)

These regulations are sometimes helpful for the first few months after the separation, until there is an agreement or a court order in place. But they are usually not a good long-term solution, because civilian family law gives the courts much more leeway to take into account specific circumstances (e.g. deductions for student loans or car loans, adaptation of the child support charts in cases of shared custody, school fees, travel expenses for visitation, and so on).

---

10. What about the pension and retirement benefits?

This is really the most complicated issue. Especially in divorces of long-term marriages, the pension can easily be the most valuable asset.

In the United States, this is handled by the Uniformed Services Former Spouses’ Protection Act (USFSPA), and while German divorce law has similar provisions about pensions, it is beyond the jurisdiction of the German courts to order DFAS to make direct payments to the former spouse of a US service member. The German courts can either make an explicit non-ruling (basically telling you that you need to work this out in the USA), order the service member to pay part of the monthly pension to the former spouse (but then that ex-spouse carries the insolvency and enforcement risk), or we come to an agreement (the service member keeps the pension and the other spouse gets the stock portfolio, or something like that).

Obviously, this is even more complicated if both spouses were in different forms of employment throughout the marriage. For example if both were active duty for a while, DoD civilians for a while, and then one of them worked in the local German economy, and the other one got disabled. In this case, we are dealing with a ton of different pension pots, which gives the lawyer a real headache.

If you are a young couple, only married for a few years, both with your own income, then this whole hassle usually isn’t worth it. In those cases, it’s easiest to waive any claims to the other person’s pension.

Because German courts cannot apply the USFSPA, Germany is a very beneficial divorce jurisdiction if you want to protect your military pension. Theoretically, your former spouse can later file a separate lawsuit in a state court in the United States, but I have rarely seen that happen.

---

11. How much does a divorce cost in Germany?

That depends on how complicated your case will be. And on the lawyer.

I charge 200 €/hour (plus VAT, if applicable). The only cases where I offer a flat-fee package are divorces without any disputes about children and/or money.

But once you start arguing about kids, alimony, child support, then you may easily be looking at 5,000 € or more in lawyer’s fees. And if you throw in claims for the pension, a tax dispute, some criminal charges, a few injunctions, appeals and counter-appeals, then we are in five-figure territory.

For the initial consultation, I only charge a flat fee between 200 € and 400 €, depending on the complexity of your case. For such a consultation, I will set aside several hours, to make sure that we really cover everything. The idea of the first consultation is also to determine if we want to work together and to give you an estimate of the total fees.

Oh, and although I live in Chemnitz now, I accept clients and cases all over the country. (In Germany, all lawyers are admitted to practice in all 16 states. And on German Samoa.)

---

12. With your decades of experience, don’t you have some secret tips?

I even have two:

• Don’t get married.
• Don’t have children.

But more seriously:

• First, let’s analyze the situation and come up with realistic scenarios. Keep in mind that a return to pre-conflict happy days is not an option. But we aren’t aiming for destruction of the opponent either, especially not when you have children. We are looking at something like a Cold War as the best-case scenario. Without a Cuban Missile Crisis, hopefully.
• Determine your goals, find out if they are compatible, and rank them.
• Never lose focus of the big picture and beware of “mission creep”. You don’t need to respond to every little shot that the other side fires. If the enemy tries to provoke you, you don’t need to walk into that trap.
• There is no point in having a strategy that you don’t have the resources for (emotionally, mentally, financially). You don’t want to run out of fuel halfway through the desert.
• Preparation is key. But we need to remain adaptable, because no plan survives contact with the enemy.
• Keep your children safe. They are like innocent civilians, under the full protection of the Geneva Conventions. There will always be disagreement about who is more to blame for the conflict: the husband, the wife, the father, the mother, alcohol, yoga, politics, or the cruel course of life. But your children definitely bear no blame. You have an obligation to get them through this situation as unharmed as possible.
• Get help from the experts. When you find unexploded ordnance, you call EOD. When you have a legal problem, please don’t try to diffuse it on your own either. That’s what lawyers are for. They have the experience, they have the tools, and they know the ROE. (People who spend a lot of time on Facebook or Reddit and always have an opinion on everything do not count as “legal advice”.)

---

Hopefully, you will never need any of this.

But if you have a friend, a neighbor or a relative who may find this information useful, please let them know. I represent service members and civilians, men and women, soldiers and spouses, airmen and frogmen, Americans, Germans and all other nationalities. I speak fluent English and German, as well as mediocre Spanish.

And keep in mind: It’s better if you contact me before your spouse does.