As a divorce lawyer, I never tire of singing the praises of single life and trumpeting the dangers of marriage.
Unfortunately, no one ever listens to me. Instead, people continue to walk down the aisle, towards doom and despair. Then, a few years later, they call me and humbly admit that I was – of course – right all along. I’m not one to hold a grudge, so I also help those who, through their own fault, naïveté, and conformity to petit-bourgeois conventions, have voluntarily entered into the misery of marriage. I am happy to support women, men, and, more recently, non-binary individuals in liberating themselves from pain and suffering, from oppression and misfortune.
But if you don’t want to heed my advice, I hope you at least listen to science.
Because science has now found that married people have a higher risk of Alzheimer’s disease.
The good news from this study is that even those who have made the fateful mistake can still salvage their health. Although lifelong singles have the lowest risk of Alzheimer’s, divorcees also have a lower risk of brain shrinkage than those who remain married for life.
And it does make sense. It is well known that dementia can best be prevented by keeping the brain active. Read a lot, travel to unfamiliar countries, return to university at an advanced age, learn languages, and constantly set yourself new challenges. Intellectually, academically, culturally, but also socially. I noticed this myself when, during my wandering years, I lived in ten different countries and traveled to many dozens more. A new environment, new rules, a new language, and above all, meeting new people again and again has kept me younger than all those fitness fads.
When you get married, life is over. Daily humdrum sets in. At some point, you don’t even need to talk to each other anymore, because you already know what the other person is going to say. And if you announce “Honey, I need a year off and I’m going to cycle along the Silk Road”, you will have a jealousy drama on your hands like in one of those telenovelas.
Short relationships lasting no longer than six months are probably harmless in terms of dementia risk. The problem, as I know from my family law practice, is that many people cannot survive even a short relationship without pregnancy or paternity. And then their life is messed up twice over.
Now, you could argue that children keep you mentally fit. But thinking like that violates the second formulation of the categorical imperative. Besides, a membership with the local library will cost you much less.
Links:
- I don’t know if I was thinking about the dangers to the brain back then. But many years ago, I already argued that the concept of lifelong marriage is inhumane and unhealthy.
- More advice for a healthy life.
- As a warning, here are a few stories about family law.
The Happy Hermit 
The fitness fads, advice for a healthy life, and stories about family law links are not working. I was only interested in the latter link, but then OCD kicked in. But also, I am married, so I am stupid. So it does not count.
:)
But you are also reading my blog, so you are very clever! ;-)
And I repaired the links, thanks a lot for pointing out the error.
Hi Andreas I do enjoy your emails…
I’ve just published 10 books, two of which deliver the same message as you do about marriage and “relationships” as the British now call sexual relationships.
I’m fairly sure you will like them and end up sending them to people.
They are designed as “spoof” books to send as gifts to send to desperate, delusional and downhearted online daters for example. They are “The Minefield Through the Kingdom of Coupledom” and “Finding Complete Compatibility”.
Clicking on “Read Sample” and seeing the chapter headings gives you a fast insight into the book’s message.
If you like the books, do please let me know.
With thanks Alan
Been married more than forty years. Biggest mistake of my life … live and learn. But I do love my 3 kids … and I’ve tried to teach them to embrace their independence. So far …. so good. Enjoy your freedom.
Viele Grüße von der Hochzeit meiner Tochter. Dein Hinweis kam 8 Stunden zu spät 😁😂
Ach, du Schreck! :O
Das illustriert übrigens eine ernsthafte juristische Ungerechtigkeit: Wenn sie im Internet eine Packung Batterien bestellt hätte, dann hätte sie noch 14 Tage, um die Kauf rückgängig zu machen. Bei der Eheschließung ist es schon 10 Minuten danach zu spät.
Man könnte viele Scheidungen vermeiden, wenn man eine Probezeit einführt, nach deren Ablauf die Eheschließung bestätigt werden muss.
(Schließlich haben wir bei wesentlich weniger wichtigen Lebensschritten, zB im Arbeitsrecht, ebenfalls eine Probezeit, innert derer man sich unzeremoniell voneinander lösen kann.)
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Gute Idee mit der Probezeit, mach doch mal eine Petition
Wow; you are really bitter about marriage and families! I know you’re joking but when people joke in that way, there’s usually a kernel of truth in it. I’m sorry that you’ve had such negative things in your past. My husband and I have been married for 35 years, with 5 kids and 4 grandkids. We’re happy and we don’t have dementia, yet!
I am not joking.
And the negative things aren’t in the past, they are in my e-mail inbox, in my files and in courtrooms every day.
But of course I also know positive examples, where relationships work out. (Although I am always a bit skeptical when people use their contribution to overpopulation as evidence of a successful relationship. :/ )
I’m in the happily married camp but have seen enough marriages that prove the old saying of ‘marry in haste, repent at leisure’ to give your words some serious thought. And have a little chuckle.
I found a bit of a hack anyway, I married a soldier in a busy regiment. Benefits of marriage, life of a single woman much of the time. Apart from a few hairy moments ( side eyes Afghanistan and Ukraine) it seems to be working.
When he retires and we have to actually live together like functioning, full time adults… we’ll see!
Haha, that’s a good approach indeed!
I have a theory: For each couple, there is a certain amount of love. If they are together 24/7, they run through that amount of love very soon. If, on the other hand, you spread it thin and everyone still has their private life, the love can last much longer.
Aren’t you already married for many years?
No.